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Sometimes I am overwhelmed at all there is to learn, and know and experience and share. I have been having a great conversation with my wife about marital roles. I started looking at a Great Courses brochure and saw courses on the "Great Books" and human language development. When I walked back into the room with iTunes playing, it was playing a great song, Letters to God, by Boxcar Racer.
It makes me want to quit everything and go to grad school for philosophy or back to seminary to get my M. Div. Then I remember that I am lazy. I am a dilettante. I am a sell-out. I have trouble saving money long term. I have to provide for three boys and a wife. I get bored at work unless I apply significant portions of my "free mind" to learning for techno-junk. I am not really as smart as I'd like to think. Any minute, Gage may cry and want a story about an anaconda and a spitting cobra before he can go to sleep. My house needs painting. Life is so complicated.
I know the answer is the Gospel. I have a million loves that draw me away from Christ. Some drive me to my radical side, some drive me to my sell-out side. Then I remember that there are people less than a mile away that can barely pay their bills working the graveyard shift in a distribution warehouse.
What does God want me to do? He wants me to revel in his love. He was me to speak unlike the first man. God wants me, faced with chaos, to trust him, and in faith and dependence on him, act. His love is assured. His care is guaranteed. These things are sure. I am safe. I will suffer. I will sin. He will love me.