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Dun. Dun. Duh...Death


By heath - Posted on 06 April 2006

In my own reflection, I have tried to think about how I live my life for seen things instead of unseen things. Yesterday, I sensed a slight pain in my chest and arm and hyopchrondiaclly thought it was "chest pains." I think it was because I had heard that morning that prolonged sleep-deprivation increased risk of heart attack, and you can tell by my post times, that I often deprive myself of sleep.

I began to think of my own death. Ironically, today I attended a seminar about estate planning. I have been thinking about what would happen to my family in the event of my death. It makes me very sad. I think I hurt the most for Courtney and the boys and how they would miss me. I know that once I crossed that bridge, I won't care all that much, but they would be here enduring more suffering than I can really conceive.

This all made me think of the saying that we should live as if we were going to die tomorrow. Jonathan Edwards had as one of his Resolutions to "think much on all occasions of my own dying, and of the common circumstances which attend death." While I suppose you must plan for the future as the ants in Proverbs 30:25, I can't help but think about the way Christ lived. He was so deliberate about his life, and yet he seems to have perfect peace in every moment. He lives with his death in mind. He knows who he is. He knows his father loves him.

This makes me think of a question I was asked by a seminary professor. "What would you do if you knew you had no chance of failing?" In a sense, this is the life we live. All God wants us to do is to love him and run full speed after what he has put in our hearts. As we get older, and life becomes more complicated, we get weighed down hedging our bets against this and that trying to make the world a safe and pleasant place to live for us and our family. This hedging becomes our life.

It is often in the face of our mortality in an illness or the death of a loved one that we realize that all this hedging is not really living. We wake up to the fact that we have been dead living for the seen things of the world instead of the unseen things of God.

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